for the ones who stayed

you’ve always known how bad it could get
	pages ripped out
	crumpled up
	thrown in your face
you always tried to pick up those pieces
	but the picture never looked the same again

give it time
	you thought this was it
	you loved all the same things
	you laughed together
how long did you spend trying to figure out what you did wrong?
	holding the pieces in shaking hands before they crumbled away

it’s a fresh start this time
	you never had a group— a team
	and now here they are
leaving the door open just a crack
come in, it’s okay, you won’t get hurt this time
	then it shatters and you do

but you tried so hard
	to build a bridge to pick up the pieces but the edges were too sharp
blood all over your hands
		because you tried

thank you
	for trying
thank you
	for peering into the door
thank you

because here they are
	the decorations on the walls match the inside of your brain
	there’s tea and books and fall leaves
		and the books aren’t just books
		they’re the ones that mean the most to you
		that got you through the blood and the pain and every shipwreck
	there’s pictures on the screen
		was that really ten years ago (were we ever that young and stupid)
		and here’s some from six months ago (is that what my smile looks like when it’s real?)
		did I really succeed this time
	there’s letters in cards
		bad handwriting— but it’s yours
		stupid secret messages— but I’m laughing
		you love me?

how about that

---

The Context: my incredible friends threw me an early surprise birthday party last week, and it might just have healed my inner child. And yes, I completely fell for it and did not see any of it coming. Thank you to everyone who was there and everyone who wasn’t. And as always, shoutout to Poetry Orchard and

Blossom

for their lovely workshop today, where I wrote this.